Running On Empty!

Don't you love the car manufacturers these days! They think of everything! Not only do we have a gauge showing us the level of our gas tank, but now we have a mode on the console telling us exactly how many miles until empty!! On top of that, I think the person who designed this device knows who I am. He decided to lie about when the car was at zero miles to save me the embarrassment and inconvenience of running out of gas. It is because of his consideration that I made it to the gas station the other day.

I had been driving for two days with the message "0 miles" posted on my dash before I rolled into the gas station. Later as I was reflecting, I was thinking what a perfect picture of my life this situation is. This is not the first time I have stared at the "0 miles" and then back at the road. I can testify that this kind of neglecting of the basics is stressful and tiring!! It was not just my car running on empty. I was personally running on empty too.

During these several days of over-commitment, I was feeling a certain scripture come to life in my spirit. This scripture is so dramatic it is somewhat humorous. It is found in Jonah 2:5. At this point, Jonah has been given a mission by God and decides to go in the opposite direction. Here is where he ends up. "The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head." This is a really bad situation but somehow I can never read it without chuckling. Just the image of seaweed wrapped around his head seems a bit physically funny to me. In verse seven, Jonah says, "When my life was slipping away, I remembered the Lord..." Now Jonah was recalling his journey to the bottom of the sea after the Lord had rescued him by causing a giant fish to swallow him. (You might like to get out your Bible and read the whole thing. I love it!!)

How can I relate to this scripture from the perspective of my dry office on the surface of the earth? My peace was gone! I might be dramatic to compare it to having seaweed wrapped around my head, but I can promise I was close. Think about this picture. Suffocating, disorienting, desperate, overwhelmed, panic strickened.... These are the feelings I feel when I lose control of my mouth and mind. Out of my mouth come the words; "Yes, Yes, Yes" when I have no idea how I will make the time to get it all done.

So, I asked the Lord a question; "Lord, how have I walked away from You, like Jonah?" Psalm 29:11 says; "The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace." As I meditated on how I walked away, the answer snuck up on me. PRIDE had leaked into my heart. How did I know? I was looking at myself to be the answer to all of the need around me, instead of looking at Jesus! God has given me only so many hours, only so many gifts and talents. I thank Him for filling my life with other people who can help me take up the slack. So, today I humble myself before the Lord and receive the gifts He has sent to my life. He has surrounded me with people who love me and care!! I need to ask for some HELP!!

I Love Surprises!

One reason I love my relationship with Jesus so much is because I love surprises! I am amazed everyday at all the ways the Lord shows up in my life to assure me He is WITH me. He reminds me constantly that He really knows me! He understands me. And most of all, He made me the way I am and has the answer to all of my needs at every moment.

The other day, I was sitting in a sandwich shop waiting for my "to go" order. I had left my phone in the car so I could not use my down time to call or text someone. I was not carrying my purse, so I could not clean it out or write "to do" lists for later. There was nothing laying around to read. God knows I love to keep my mind engaged at all times. So, I decided to just relax and watch the big screen TV in front of me. When I looked up, I noticed there was a baseball game playing. I am a big sports fan, but find baseball a bit slow and boring to watch. Love to play it! For me, it is less than exciting to watch on TV. But, as you know, I had nothing else to do. So, I focused in and noticed I was watching a college game.

The first batter struck out. The batting team was behind by one run. The next batter stepped up and the most amazing thing happened. Right in the middle of the most boring ordinary moment came the supernatural power of God. I know one college baseball player in the country. He grew up with my daughters in Flagstaff!! Guess who was at bat?? This player I knew stepped up to the plate. After two strikes, He hit a base hit and earned an RBI to tie the game!! My boring moment was miraculously turned into exciting. And, I utterly enjoyed my five minute wait time watching this college baseball game.

I immediately knew I was having an encounter with God. He saw me in my boredom and impatience. He knew exactly what I needed to feel excited and alive at this moment!! So, He intervened right at the moment of my need. It was a small need and I had not even asked Him to help me. But, He was there to surprise me!! In Matthew 28:20, Jesus says; "... And be sure of this: I am WITH you ALWAYS, even to the end of the age."

I love this about my relationship with Jesus!! He is with me ALWAYS!! Even when I am not thinking about Him!! Even when I am not asking Him to meet my smallest and most insignificant need!! He is WITH me!! And He finds ways daily to remind me how important I am to Him and how loved I am!!! He is the only One who could have arranged for this five minutes to be the best it could have been for me. This is how my Father in heaven surprises me over and over!! After all, He knows I love surprises!!

Gaining Perspective!

I have a loved one who is suffering from short-term memory loss. Many people around her are terrified about what the future holds. They spend time talking about her memory getting worse and what might happen someday. I can understand this, but it seems they are missing out on the treasured times right in front of them.

When I have been around this person lately, I have seen a joy in her that is new and free. She doesn't worry as much as she once did, due to the fact that she can't remember. Her blood pressure has gone down. She is living more in the moment without being weighed down by the burdens of life. This experience has given me an opportunity to gain new perspective.

There is a particular verse in Matthew chapter six I love to quote. It seems to fit with many conversations! I have never found a person who disagreed with it, no matter what their religion or background! In verse 34, Jesus says; "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Can you relate? Can I get an "AMEN?!!!" I love the compassion of Jesus in telling us this. We can handle the trouble that comes today, but we are not to speculate on the trouble of tomorrow! This will only cause us to feel defeated and depressed! It is better to think the best of today, and not worry about tomorrow!!

Loss of short term memory has this effect on a person. When I watch my loved one, I see her get excited about the quail and bunnies in her back yard. Then a few minutes later, she is over-joyed again. Also, as she was facing surgery, she did not think of it until reminded. Therefore, she was not so stressed and concerned. She was enjoying life daily without the burden of worrying. It was like a form of rose-colored glasses.

I pray I will always choose to trust God with the things of tomorrow and enjoy the things of each day. I know in the day of trouble, He will be with me to navigate through!! So if I am accused of looking on the bright side, then I pray I will always be accused of this!! I don't want to take off my rose-colored glasses!! Everything is more beautiful through these lenses!

I pray we don't have to wait until we lose our short-term memory to eliminate worrying about tomorrow from our daily lives!! There is so much joy to take in!!

Philippians 4:8; "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Fasting

Recently, I participated with a group of people in a fast for 21 days. We were fasting together with the purpose of bringing God's presence into a particular neighborhood in our city. This was the longest fast I had ever done. Many of us followed the Daniel fast spoken of in Daniel 1 and Daniel 10:1. In Daniel 1, Daniel asks the official if he and his friends can be given only vegetables to eat and water to drink. The official agreed for 10 days and then checked their appearance thinking that they would look worse than the other men. When he checked them, they looked healthier and better nourished than the rest.

I am bringing this up because a strange thing kept happening as I was fasting. People kept commenting on the clearness of my eyes and the glowing nature of my skin. Many people who did not know I was fasting wanted to know why they could see a physical difference in me. It was very encouraging to know that God had given me a physical effect!

Jesus says in Matthew 6:16; "When you fast..." Notice He does not say IF you fast, but He says WHEN you fast. This shows me that fasting is not an optional thing. It is part of my existence while we are here on earth. I know we go to at least one banquet in heaven, but I am hoping heaven is full of all the food we love except without the calories or maybe the effect of calories here on earth:)

So, when is the proper time to fast? I can't answer this for you, but I can tell you what causes me to consider fasting. When I see a stronghold in my life. A stronghold means "a fortified place or a fortress." This is a really strong place that is tough to breakthrough. When I have been praying for a long time and don't see breakthrough, I fast. When my heart is very burdened with a situation, I fast. Sometimes when I feel very burdened, I start fasting without thinking about it, because I am so burdened I don't feel like eating. Othertimes, I begin a fast to bring my heart to a desperate place so I can pray in a focused and desperate way. Not eating much and especially not eating ice cream and enchiladas reminds me often during the day to focus on praying.

Some people eat to live, but I am a person who lives to eat! During this long period of fasting, I became desperate and focused in my prayer. Many breakthroughs occurred. Both personally and in the neighborhood we prayed for. God showed us He was present and did miracles in the lives of people. He transformed the neighborhood and He also transformed my heart. I can truly say, I will never be the same. So, if you have not tried fasting, start today. You can give up a meal and pray. Or maybe the radio in your car for a week. How about the computer games that eat up so much time. Pick something that is hard for you. I picked food because that is hard for me. And then ask God to show you something to pray for and watch for the miracle!!!

Strong and Courageous

My husband and I were in the car taking our grandsons out for pizza. We began to have a heated discussion when all of a sudden I heard the loud, deep, raspy voice of my three year old grandson. He said; "Grandma, I appreciate you. I love you. Grandpa, you should appreciate grandma!" Where does this boy get his vocabulary? He just turned three on April 29th. Not only did he use the word, but it was clear that he understood what he was talking about. It was precious!

Gary responded by saying; "Jayden, I appreciate grandma. I am sorry that we were arguing." By this time, I had forgoten what we were arguing about. I felt convicted because I was sure it was my grumpy mood that had caused the argument. So I wondered why Jayden had taken my side?

It seemed he just naturally came to my rescue because I am a woman. He felt the responsibility as a little man to stick up for me whom he deemed as the underdog. He is definitely the "super hero" type. He spends his time with me carrying around a sponge sword play fighting to save me from pretend "bad guys." He tells me as he is playing; "Don't worry grandma, I will save you!" He was born with this strong and courageous quality.

In the first chapter of Joshua after Moses dies when God is commissioning Joshua as the leader of Israel, He commands Joshua several times; "Be strong and courageous." Courage and strength are qualities of leadership. And leadership starts in the home and in the heart.

Since I have noticed this God given quality of leadership in my grandson, I can pray for his life more specifically. No matter what I see in the physical realm as he goes through the years, I will pray and believe God for this promise shown to me today.

At three, it is impossible for Jayden to be socialized into being someone that he is not. I have seen this truth as I have raised my daughters. When they went through their teenage years and picked up qualities that were not true to themselves, I continued to pray for the promises God had shown me in their innocent years. And I continued to pray and believe God for the people He had created them to be. I know they are healthy and truly themselves when they exhibit the gifts they could not help expressing before they learned how to filter themselves.

So now I will believe God for this little bold leader who has been given to our family. I will remind him over the years of who he is. I will encourage him to be true to who he was created to be. And I will enjoy the valiance and honor that comes so naturally to him. I will pray and believe God through the rough years until I see a healthy young man with these amazing qualities. God has given me a healthy glimpse of the Jayden he created. I will stand by and encourage him to be the amazing man he was created to be. God has given me this commission.

Oneness

This morning when I was beginning to wake up, I heard the sound of a heartbeat. As I began to gain consciousness, I realized that my ear was squished under my husband's arm. This caused a sort of "echo" sounding heartbeat. As I listened to the sound of the heartbeat, I was not sure if I was hearing Gary's or mine. This got me thinking about oneness.

In Genesis 2:24, God says; "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." On Monday, I will be married for 24 years. In this moment I was thinking; "Where does Gary end and where do I begin?" Our lives are so wrapped up together. We have three beautiful daughter, two amazing grandsons, and a wonderful new son-in-law. My past, present, and future are full of thoughts of us together. We know eachother so well it sometimes causes arguments?!? I have learned to love the things he loves, such as golf, and he has learned to cry with me at what he calls "girlie" movies, and so on. His dreams are my dreams and mine are his. We are ONE!!! It would be impossible to separate our lives apart from death!!

Over the years, I have found marriage to be the most amazing part of life on earth and at the same time, the hardest part. It has caused me to face my own selfishness and pride more than anything else. Closeness is beautiful, but it also very revealing. My marriage has made me better by revealing the worst in me which has caused me to cry out to Jesus to help me to change. I have become more like Christ. I have learned to love more deeply, to extend more mercy, and to show more grace. I have also experienced the greatest joy life has to offer with my husband. I am a better version of myself!!

As I reflected on these thoughts and continued to listen to the sound of the heartbeat, I began to think; "Maybe this is the the sound of OUR heartbeat together." His life wrapped up in mine, and my life wrapped up in his. I am so grateful to God for this man!!! I love this oneness God has created!! And I especially love my husband!!

I think Rod Stewart describes oneness very well in a verse from his song; "You're In My Heart." It goes like this, "You're in my heart; you're in my soul. You'll be my breath should I grow old. You are my lover; you're my best friend. You're in my soul."

Springtime

I love the springtime. We get it a bit late in Flagstaff, but today it had so clearly arrived. The birds were out singing their songs, many trees were filled with pretty pink blossoms, and the grass was that light green color of the first shoots of spring. My heart was warm all day as I felt the joy and excitement of the new life all around me.

Tonight, I was at a banquet for the New Horizons Teen Challenge Academy in Flagstaff. This Academy houses teenage young men who have addictions. One of the young men spoke at the banquet about his additions to alcohol and all kind of drugs. At one point, he shared; "I was so desperate to find joy. I was empty inside and lost. I was taking drugs because I could not find joy and satisfaction. And the drugs only worked for a little while..."

When he was speaking, I felt a distant tinge of recognition in my soul. And to my surprise, I remembered feeling this way. Worthless, meaningless, empty, lost, without hope. Why was it a surprise? Because this feeling that was at one point so familiar to me was now very unfamiliar. So, I began to ask the Lord; "What is in my soul right now?" And His answer to me was; "Springtime." Psalm 16:11 says; "You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in your presence..." This is what is in my soul right now! The joy of having God's presence with me at all times. My path is FULL of life and joy and excitement!!

One of my favorite verses is found in Romans 6:4; "...And just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life." This young man from New Horizons went on to tell us about how God had spoken to Him eight months ago. He boasted of the love and hope that Jesus had put in his heart! He expressed the joy and satisfaction that had filled him completely. He assured us that he would never be taking drugs again because he trusted the Lord to keep him busy helping other people. He shared with us his NEW life!

I love the springtime of Jesus in my heart. The new life I experienced so many years ago is still new and fresh everyday. This is a perpetual springtime. Life filling me up to overflowing!! Joy so full and in my heart even in the hardest moments!! It is truly indescribable!! The best way to understand it is to look around and take in the creation as it springs forth with life and joy and excitement all around us!! Springtime!!