I have a guitar. It is a very useful tool in my life. It helps me get to a place of acceptance when my pain level is rising and I am feeling overwhelmed. I have never taken a guitar lesson. I don't really play guitar. But when my soul is in anguish and I need to express my feelings, I get out my guitar and start strumming.
Well, tonight was one of those nights. In the last few days, several things have been weighing heavy on my heart. I have been over-eating, over-thinking, and filling my time with activity to avoid pain. Where pain is concerned, I would rather go anywhere else.
The truth is we live in a broken world! Things are not right all over the place. I live with regrets over bad decisions I have made and the consequences! Then, there are the choices other people have made which have deeply hurt me. There are circumstances I wish I could change in my life and the lives of those around me. Things I wish I could fix that I cannot!
As I was reflecting on this in my prayer time, I was reminded of a verse in Revelation 21:4. In this verse God promises he will wipe away all of our tears. In a description of heaven, He says; "There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain." In this promise, I realized something. Although He is promising no pain in heaven we can be sure there WILL be pain here.
This truth extends to my attempts to defer pain and suffering for those I love by making sacrifices for them. What I've learned is that no matter how sacrificial I am, I still can't stop pain from coming their way. My efforts are futile! The only answer is for me to learn to live with these realities.
Personally, I try to stick with God on everything and make right decisions. Even in these efforts to please God, I know He did not intend for me to live a painless existence while I am on earth. Pain is part of the journey. It is comforting to know that when I get overwhelmed with pain, God has given me a way to deal with the build-up of emotions. A long hard cry!
So, that is what I did. I got out my guitar and quieted my soul. I gave myself the space to feel the pain. I stopped running! Stopped eating! Stopped thinking! I stopped trying to fix everything! And I cried! I told the Lord through my tears what was burdening my heart! And He listened! Jesus said in Matthew 5:4; "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Mourning over the brokenness in this world and in my own life is healthy. And Jesus is there to comfort me!
I can't say my heart is completely healed! It still hurts! But, I did relieve some pressure with my tears! I have entered into an exhausted state that comes after crying. It is much more peaceful! It is kind of a "giving up" in a healthy sort of way. I have given up striving and surrendered to the fact of pain in my life and in the lives of those that I love. I have received comfort from the Lord as I spent some time mourning over sin! One day, I will be in a place where pain will not exist! Until then, I will surrender to the truth! There is pain!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
My Strength Lost Control!
The other morning, I was walking through my bathroom and noticed my pull-up bar. Due to a car accident this summer, pull-ups have been off limits for me per my physical therapist. There is something very satisfying to me about the strenuous nature of pull-ups; however, I had been resisting the temptation.
But in this moment, as I looked at the bar, I felt the urge to flex my muscles. It was an impulse and I knew it was probably not a good idea. So, before I came to my senses,I quickly took action. I grabbed the bar and began to pull. When I was almost to the top with my body slightly slanted in front of the bar, something shocking happened. The bar dislodged and at the speed of gravity (9.8 meters per second squared), I fell flat on my back. (Seriously, I thought things like this only happened in sitcoms!) Luckily, my back and my bottom took the brunt of the fall, and my head did not hit.
Normally, when I do pull-ups, I check the bar and tighten it to make sure it will hold me. In the rush of doing something I shouldn't have been doing, I did not take this precaution. Bottom line was, my strength had lost control (read on and this will make sense)! Just because I can do a pull-up, does not mean I should. This lesson applies to many areas of my life.
As I have reflected on this foolish act, I was reminded of the list of the fruit of the spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. From an apple tree comes apples. From the Spirit of God living in me comes a list of "fruits" which includes; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness (meekness), and self-control. In this action, I definitely was not seeing patience, meekness/gentleness or self-control exhibited. Meekness means, "restraint coupled with strength and courage" or "strength under control." Meekness or gentleness deals with the ability to hold back strength in an instance when you could use it.
A great bible story that shows an example of meekness is found in 1 Samuel 24. King Saul, who was the king of Israel, was hunting David for years. David was living a lifestyle of running and hiding from King Saul. One day while King Saul was looking for David to kill him, he decided to go into a cave to use the restroom. (There were no port-a-potties back then.) Well, David and his men happened to be hiding in that same cave. Saul was in a very vulnerable position. It would have been easy for David to kill him and relieve his life of this predator. But, instead of killing him, David cut off the corner of King Saul's robe. This was a true act of restrained strength and courage. Later, he showed the corner of the robe to King Saul to prove he was not planning to harm him. I can learn a lot from this great act of meekness. This was true strength!!
This incident in my life has given me an incentive to practice deferring my strength in some situations. I don't have to hit every kill shot in the racquetball game! I don't have to win every argument! I don't have to be the one to answer every question when I know the answer! I don't have to run up and jump over every rock I see! This is a discipline that requires much more strength than just letting myself act impulsively and out of control. My strengths can be considered a weakness without His strength in control!
I am counting on the strength of the Holy Spirit together with my cooperation to help me have fewer moments where I land flat on my back! I love the way God can take a situation and help me to draw out practical application for my life. It is great to know He is WITH me and there to pick me up when I fall!
But in this moment, as I looked at the bar, I felt the urge to flex my muscles. It was an impulse and I knew it was probably not a good idea. So, before I came to my senses,I quickly took action. I grabbed the bar and began to pull. When I was almost to the top with my body slightly slanted in front of the bar, something shocking happened. The bar dislodged and at the speed of gravity (9.8 meters per second squared), I fell flat on my back. (Seriously, I thought things like this only happened in sitcoms!) Luckily, my back and my bottom took the brunt of the fall, and my head did not hit.
Normally, when I do pull-ups, I check the bar and tighten it to make sure it will hold me. In the rush of doing something I shouldn't have been doing, I did not take this precaution. Bottom line was, my strength had lost control (read on and this will make sense)! Just because I can do a pull-up, does not mean I should. This lesson applies to many areas of my life.
As I have reflected on this foolish act, I was reminded of the list of the fruit of the spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. From an apple tree comes apples. From the Spirit of God living in me comes a list of "fruits" which includes; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness (meekness), and self-control. In this action, I definitely was not seeing patience, meekness/gentleness or self-control exhibited. Meekness means, "restraint coupled with strength and courage" or "strength under control." Meekness or gentleness deals with the ability to hold back strength in an instance when you could use it.
A great bible story that shows an example of meekness is found in 1 Samuel 24. King Saul, who was the king of Israel, was hunting David for years. David was living a lifestyle of running and hiding from King Saul. One day while King Saul was looking for David to kill him, he decided to go into a cave to use the restroom. (There were no port-a-potties back then.) Well, David and his men happened to be hiding in that same cave. Saul was in a very vulnerable position. It would have been easy for David to kill him and relieve his life of this predator. But, instead of killing him, David cut off the corner of King Saul's robe. This was a true act of restrained strength and courage. Later, he showed the corner of the robe to King Saul to prove he was not planning to harm him. I can learn a lot from this great act of meekness. This was true strength!!
This incident in my life has given me an incentive to practice deferring my strength in some situations. I don't have to hit every kill shot in the racquetball game! I don't have to win every argument! I don't have to be the one to answer every question when I know the answer! I don't have to run up and jump over every rock I see! This is a discipline that requires much more strength than just letting myself act impulsively and out of control. My strengths can be considered a weakness without His strength in control!
I am counting on the strength of the Holy Spirit together with my cooperation to help me have fewer moments where I land flat on my back! I love the way God can take a situation and help me to draw out practical application for my life. It is great to know He is WITH me and there to pick me up when I fall!
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