Rejection is a feeling that I am very familiar with. It is one of my greatest fears and it is impossible to avoid. At this point in my life, I do not make decisions based on whether I will be rejected or not, because I do not let fear control me. But, it still hurts when I feel rejected.
As I was thinking about this topic, I was pondering where feelings of rejection come from. As I began to think over my life, I could see many of the circumstances of my life set me up for much rejection. When I was young enough to comprehend that I did not have a father, I felt rejection. As a youth, I realized that people did not accept me because I was "illegitimate" which caused feelings of rejection. Then as I grew older, I made choices that caused people to reject me. I even rejected myself because I saw that some of my choices hurt me and the people around me. My mind was set up to look for possible rejection and try to avoid it with my actions. This is a tiring and impossible way to live.
During these years, I worked very hard to counteract rejection by doing well in school, excelling in athletics, and any other thing I could find acceptable in this world. It was not until I was 27 that I realized that I was driven by the fear of rejection. I remember walking through my bedroom with a basket of laundry on a routine day. All of a sudden, I fell to the ground and the laundry went flying; I landed face down in tears and cried out to God saying; "Lord, no matter what I do, I am not acceptable." All of the years of this futile battle had caught up to me. I was ready to surrender!!
Fortunately, I surrendered to the right person. His name is Jesus! He has never rejected me and He never will. At this moment, I began to rely on His love and acceptance. This journey has led to a life of freedom. It is easier and more fun to live knowing each moment I am loved and accepted even on my worst days. My bad actions cannot change the love that God has for me.
I love the story in Luke 19 of Zacchaeus. He was a tax collector in Jericho. When Jesus entered the city, Zacchaeus climbed up into a tree to see Jesus. He did it because he was of "short stature." I can understand this, because I am short too. I have been in many crowds where all I can see is the back of people's heads. In all these years, I have never climbed into a tree to see something. This shows how desperately Zacchaeus wanted to see Jesus. And Jesus notices and cares when we are desperate. In verse 5, Jesus says; "Zacchaeus, hurry and come down, for today I must stay at your house."
Here is how the people around respond; "...they all complained saying, 'He has gone to be a guest with a man who is a sinner.'" Jesus was breaking all customs of the religious leaders. They would not eat with a sinner and especially not stay at his house. If you read the next few verses in this passage, you see that the people were right about Zacchaeus... he was a corrupt tax collector. So, he tells Jesus he is giving half of his goods to the poor and if he has taken anything from anyone, he is going to restore it fourfold. Zacchaeus, a sinner, came in contact with the true loving and accepting nature of God. It is the love of Jesus and His acceptance that helps Zacchaeus get set free from his greedy and corrupt ways. You can see that Jesus loved and accepted Zacchaeus BEFORE he changed.
If you are feeling rejected today, I want you to know that you are loved, accepted, and desired by God right now. He is not waiting for you to change your ways. He is not asking you to get your act together. He just wants you the way you are right now. I love knowing this truth each day. He wants me even when it feels like no one else does. We are not rejected!!!
Revelation 3:20- "Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me."
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Adventure I Seek
A few weeks ago, I received a call from a friend. She asked me to pray for a little boy who was 18 months old and had contracted a virus that left him with a 2% chance of living. When I hung up the phone, I contemplated this circumstance. This particular friend had sometimes mocked my relationship with Jesus. She had made comments about the close-mindedness of Christianity and our lack of tolerance. Yet when she had no hope and was facing a circumstance that was outside the realm of what her mind could see as possible, she called me. She said that she knew that I had a "connection" with God and asked me to pray. She knew that I believed in a God who could do this. A God that in the face of very slim chances, could defy what was probable and bring a victory. I assured her that I would pray and thanked her for thinking of Jesus.
The blessing of my friend's call reminded me of a story in 1 Samuel 14. King Saul and an army of 600 men were facing a battle with the Philistines. They were out-numbered and Saul was trying to figure out what they should do. Meanwhile, his son, Jonathan, takes his armour-bearer and goes to the Philistine garrison. Here is what Jonathan says to his armour-bearer in verse 6; "Come, let us go over to the garrison of these uncircumcised; it may be that the Lord will work for us. For nothing restrains the Lord from saving by many or by few." The most incredible part of this story is the reaction of his armour-bearer. You might think that he would have said; "Are you crazy. We don't have a chance." Here is how he responds in verse 7; "Do all that is in your heart. Go then; here I am with you, according to your heart."
I love this! The only possibility for victory was for God to come through. Jonathan said to his friend; "it MAY BE that the Lord will work for us." His friend whole-heartedly agreed and said these words that I love so much; "... here I am WITH you, according to your heart." This is where I find the adventure in my life. This is when I feel the excitement that Jonathan and his friend must have felt that day preparing to climb up the steep slope on their hands and knees facing sure defeat without God, but the best kind of victory with Him. I love to be a part of the victory that is impossible without God!!! This is what makes my heart beat fast and my spirit soar!! When the circumstances and everyone around say; "This is not possible." and when I (and those that are WITH me) can say back; "Oh yes it is with God!" What Jonathan understood was that God was with them. He mentions the word uncircumcised in verse 6. Circumcision was a sign of the covenant that God had with Israel. It was a sign that they were His people and He was their God. Jonathan used this word to remind himself and his friend that God was WITH them. When I live in the realization that in this generation I have a covenant with God and He is WITH me, I know that nothing is impossible!!
Many years ago when I was first made aware of the supernatural power of God and how He wanted me to participate through prayer and action in His miracles on this earth, I prayed a prayer that I have not stopped praying. "Lord, I pray that You will show me so many miracles that I will never have to repeat the same story of Your power over and over. I pray that you will give me new and fresh miracles day by day and I promise to tell of Your wonders and power in this generation!" God has answered this prayer and I have lived in the adventure of Him ever since. I have seen so many miracles and have been on the front lines joining Him as He has done so many supernatural things. I love this adventure!! The adventure of trusting Jesus with everything and having hope and expectancy in all circumstances! I am not trusting in me or my prayers. I am trusting in "Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within US." Ephesians 3:20.
My friend was right!! She came to the right place for victory in the life of this baby boy. She came to Jesus!! And He answered her prayers!! This little boy survived his virus when almost no one thought he would. And my friend was able to see "the goodness of God in the land of the living..." Psalm 27:13. The beginning of her faith was established as she saw the power of God. I am so blessed that I participated through prayer in this miracle both in this baby's body and my friend's heart!!
I promise you that you will not find me jumping out of an airplane with a parachute or jumping off a bridge with a bungy-cord straped on my ankle or at the summit of Mt Everest. But, I will spend my life on the front lines with Jesus! You will find me standing with Jesus as He brings His victory on this earth!!! This is the adventure I seek!!
The blessing of my friend's call reminded me of a story in 1 Samuel 14. King Saul and an army of 600 men were facing a battle with the Philistines. They were out-numbered and Saul was trying to figure out what they should do. Meanwhile, his son, Jonathan, takes his armour-bearer and goes to the Philistine garrison. Here is what Jonathan says to his armour-bearer in verse 6; "Come, let us go over to the garrison of these uncircumcised; it may be that the Lord will work for us. For nothing restrains the Lord from saving by many or by few." The most incredible part of this story is the reaction of his armour-bearer. You might think that he would have said; "Are you crazy. We don't have a chance." Here is how he responds in verse 7; "Do all that is in your heart. Go then; here I am with you, according to your heart."
I love this! The only possibility for victory was for God to come through. Jonathan said to his friend; "it MAY BE that the Lord will work for us." His friend whole-heartedly agreed and said these words that I love so much; "... here I am WITH you, according to your heart." This is where I find the adventure in my life. This is when I feel the excitement that Jonathan and his friend must have felt that day preparing to climb up the steep slope on their hands and knees facing sure defeat without God, but the best kind of victory with Him. I love to be a part of the victory that is impossible without God!!! This is what makes my heart beat fast and my spirit soar!! When the circumstances and everyone around say; "This is not possible." and when I (and those that are WITH me) can say back; "Oh yes it is with God!" What Jonathan understood was that God was with them. He mentions the word uncircumcised in verse 6. Circumcision was a sign of the covenant that God had with Israel. It was a sign that they were His people and He was their God. Jonathan used this word to remind himself and his friend that God was WITH them. When I live in the realization that in this generation I have a covenant with God and He is WITH me, I know that nothing is impossible!!
Many years ago when I was first made aware of the supernatural power of God and how He wanted me to participate through prayer and action in His miracles on this earth, I prayed a prayer that I have not stopped praying. "Lord, I pray that You will show me so many miracles that I will never have to repeat the same story of Your power over and over. I pray that you will give me new and fresh miracles day by day and I promise to tell of Your wonders and power in this generation!" God has answered this prayer and I have lived in the adventure of Him ever since. I have seen so many miracles and have been on the front lines joining Him as He has done so many supernatural things. I love this adventure!! The adventure of trusting Jesus with everything and having hope and expectancy in all circumstances! I am not trusting in me or my prayers. I am trusting in "Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within US." Ephesians 3:20.
My friend was right!! She came to the right place for victory in the life of this baby boy. She came to Jesus!! And He answered her prayers!! This little boy survived his virus when almost no one thought he would. And my friend was able to see "the goodness of God in the land of the living..." Psalm 27:13. The beginning of her faith was established as she saw the power of God. I am so blessed that I participated through prayer in this miracle both in this baby's body and my friend's heart!!
I promise you that you will not find me jumping out of an airplane with a parachute or jumping off a bridge with a bungy-cord straped on my ankle or at the summit of Mt Everest. But, I will spend my life on the front lines with Jesus! You will find me standing with Jesus as He brings His victory on this earth!!! This is the adventure I seek!!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Forgive Yourself
I was praying and talking to a friend a few weeks ago. She was struggling with feeling unworthy and not good enough. At one point, I asked her how far back she could remember feeling this way. She is close to 60 years old. She said to me; "I am going to tell you something that I have not told anyone." I could see the shame and guilt all over her face. She proceeded to tell me something she did in her early 20's. What she told me was a terrible thing. It was sin. It was horrific and I was sorry that my friend had this memory and had experienced this in her youth. But the important thing was to help my friend let this go so that she could live in the freedom from sin that God has created for us. One way that God sets us free from sin is that we no longer have to carry the burden of it and we can separate who we are from actions we have done in the past for which we are sorry.
It was clear to me that my friend was suffering from unforgiveness towards herself. I have suffered in my life from unforgiveness towards myself. I know the effect it has had on my freedom and even my health. King David says in Psalm 103:12; "...as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." Remember King David. He committed adultery and then sent the husband of the woman he committed adultery with to the front lines in a battle to make sure that he was killed. This sounds like murder to me. Then he married the dead man's wife. Yet, you can see that He understood the forgiveness of the Lord in this Psalm. He needed to understand this forgiveness or he could not move on with his life. In 2 Samuel 12, David is confronted by Nathan, the prophet, about this sin and in verse 13 he gets it and says; "I have sinned against the Lord." Remember that when we sin, we sin against the Lord. He is always hurt when we hurt others or ourselves because He loves us and those that we sin against. It is at this point that David is forgiven. When David realized his sin and was sorry to the Lord for what he had done, he was forgiven. In Hebrews 10:17 God says; "Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more." I love this quality about God. I wish that I could forget all the sins I have committed in my life and also those sins that have been committed against me. But it is comforting to know that when I go to my Father in heaven He does not even remember! He sees his daughter whom He loves and wants to spend time with and talk with and pour His love upon.
So, I knew the problem with my friend was not the forgiveness of the Lord. He is clear about how He forgives in the scriptures. I began to explain these things to my friend and she agreed that she had been forgiven by the Lord. At this point I asked her a hard question. I said; "If God has forgiven you and you have not forgiven yourself then what are you saying about God's standards compared to your standards?" She was quiet for a moment. She realized that she had raised a standard up that was higher than God's. We talked some more and came to the conclusion that if she was not forgiving herself, she was saying to God that He was wrong. She was saying that the sacrifice that Jesus made on the cross was not enough. That His sacrifice was worthy to take away all of her other sins but that she was not willing to accept His sacrifice for this particular sin that she believed was the worst one.
At this point, my friend bowed her head and began to pray something like this; "Lord, Jesus, forgive me for my pride. Forgive me for holding this sin against myself for so many years. Jesus is enough. You made a perfect way for me through the sacrifice of Jesus. Lord, You knew what I was capable of, and you made sure the price was paid so that NOTHING could stand between You and me! Thank you, Lord! I believe You! You are more gracious and merciful than I can imagine! I am free!"
God made a way for ALL of us. Is there something that you are holding on to? Are you condemning yourself for something that God has already forgiven and FORGOTTEN? Is this affecting your freedom? Is this causing you to judge yourself harshly? Are you able to love your neighbors as YOURSELF? God has made a way for you. He has given everything!! His Only Begotten Son!! Will you accept this free gift? Will you run and leap through this life with the joy and adventure of Jesus!! Let it go!!
It was clear to me that my friend was suffering from unforgiveness towards herself. I have suffered in my life from unforgiveness towards myself. I know the effect it has had on my freedom and even my health. King David says in Psalm 103:12; "...as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." Remember King David. He committed adultery and then sent the husband of the woman he committed adultery with to the front lines in a battle to make sure that he was killed. This sounds like murder to me. Then he married the dead man's wife. Yet, you can see that He understood the forgiveness of the Lord in this Psalm. He needed to understand this forgiveness or he could not move on with his life. In 2 Samuel 12, David is confronted by Nathan, the prophet, about this sin and in verse 13 he gets it and says; "I have sinned against the Lord." Remember that when we sin, we sin against the Lord. He is always hurt when we hurt others or ourselves because He loves us and those that we sin against. It is at this point that David is forgiven. When David realized his sin and was sorry to the Lord for what he had done, he was forgiven. In Hebrews 10:17 God says; "Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more." I love this quality about God. I wish that I could forget all the sins I have committed in my life and also those sins that have been committed against me. But it is comforting to know that when I go to my Father in heaven He does not even remember! He sees his daughter whom He loves and wants to spend time with and talk with and pour His love upon.
So, I knew the problem with my friend was not the forgiveness of the Lord. He is clear about how He forgives in the scriptures. I began to explain these things to my friend and she agreed that she had been forgiven by the Lord. At this point I asked her a hard question. I said; "If God has forgiven you and you have not forgiven yourself then what are you saying about God's standards compared to your standards?" She was quiet for a moment. She realized that she had raised a standard up that was higher than God's. We talked some more and came to the conclusion that if she was not forgiving herself, she was saying to God that He was wrong. She was saying that the sacrifice that Jesus made on the cross was not enough. That His sacrifice was worthy to take away all of her other sins but that she was not willing to accept His sacrifice for this particular sin that she believed was the worst one.
At this point, my friend bowed her head and began to pray something like this; "Lord, Jesus, forgive me for my pride. Forgive me for holding this sin against myself for so many years. Jesus is enough. You made a perfect way for me through the sacrifice of Jesus. Lord, You knew what I was capable of, and you made sure the price was paid so that NOTHING could stand between You and me! Thank you, Lord! I believe You! You are more gracious and merciful than I can imagine! I am free!"
God made a way for ALL of us. Is there something that you are holding on to? Are you condemning yourself for something that God has already forgiven and FORGOTTEN? Is this affecting your freedom? Is this causing you to judge yourself harshly? Are you able to love your neighbors as YOURSELF? God has made a way for you. He has given everything!! His Only Begotten Son!! Will you accept this free gift? Will you run and leap through this life with the joy and adventure of Jesus!! Let it go!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
First Steps
Tomorrow my oldest daughter, Jessica, is turning 27. It is hard for me to believe that it has been that long since I first held her in my arms. I will never forget the overwhelming feeling I felt as I looked at her. I was absolutely sure for the first time in my life I had witnessed a miracle. Jessica scored a perfect 10 on her Apgar screening test!! It was clear that I was not the most favored patient in that hospital that day, but when this score was announced, all of the nurses came in to see my perfect, bright-eyed baby girl. I was so proud and amazed!! This is the moment that I first really felt the way God loves me.
In the next few days after spending some time with my daughter, I found myself thanking God. I think at that point in my life, I probably thanked God a few times a year, but it was not a regular practice. I was thanking Him for sending me this beautiful gift from heaven even though I knew that several years ago, I had walked away from Him. I could not believe that He had given me such a beautiful daughter. Grace is getting what you don't deserve.
In my early teenage years, I began to justify what I knew was sin in my life. I said things to myself like; "The bible was for people long ago. We live in a new generation with different rules." Although I still called myself a Christian, I did not depend on God, did not care much about His protective standards and I was convinced that I knew it all --- my way was the best way. When I held Jessica in my arms, I realized that my plans had lead me to a place of sheer terror. I started to comprehend that God had given me the bible to guide my life, not to control me but to protect me from danger.
Although I loved my little girl with all of my heart, I had no idea how I would provide for her and give her security and a home. My plan to marry her father had fallen through and I was left to support her on my own. In my fearful place, I recommitted my life to the Lord and acknowledged that things were happening that I did not plan on and I was not sure how to go forward. I wanted to be a good mother. I knew that I was not prepared for it and I needed God's help. I told God I was sorry for not following Him, and began to see God help me in my life.
Parenting Jessica helped me to comprehend a little bit how God loves me. The love that I had for her was so deep and unconditional. It was protective. It was never-ending. I could not get enough of watching her. I wanted all of the best in life for her. For the first time, I realized that I was willing to lay my life down for someone and this helped me to understand what Jesus had done for me.
So, in those moments when I was watching her, I remember thinking that God is watching me. He is delighting in the things I am doing. He wants the best for me. He loves me no matter what I do. And He had been doing this for all of my life! This was revolutionary in changing my knowledge of God into a relationship with Him.
It took many years for me to completely surrender my life and my plans to the Lord. I made many mistakes in the process and I still make mistakes. But, Jessica was the person that God used in my life to draw my heart back to Him. John 6:44 says; "No one can comes to Me (Jesus) unless the Father who sent Me draws him..." This was the moment that God drew me to Jesus. I wonder if you can remember a moment He was drawing you?
Several years ago, I wrote a poem to my daughter. I think it was for her 14th birthday. I will never forget the last line. It says; "Within the eyes of Jessie, I saw the promised land. And in her smile and laughter, God held me in His hand."
In the next few days after spending some time with my daughter, I found myself thanking God. I think at that point in my life, I probably thanked God a few times a year, but it was not a regular practice. I was thanking Him for sending me this beautiful gift from heaven even though I knew that several years ago, I had walked away from Him. I could not believe that He had given me such a beautiful daughter. Grace is getting what you don't deserve.
In my early teenage years, I began to justify what I knew was sin in my life. I said things to myself like; "The bible was for people long ago. We live in a new generation with different rules." Although I still called myself a Christian, I did not depend on God, did not care much about His protective standards and I was convinced that I knew it all --- my way was the best way. When I held Jessica in my arms, I realized that my plans had lead me to a place of sheer terror. I started to comprehend that God had given me the bible to guide my life, not to control me but to protect me from danger.
Although I loved my little girl with all of my heart, I had no idea how I would provide for her and give her security and a home. My plan to marry her father had fallen through and I was left to support her on my own. In my fearful place, I recommitted my life to the Lord and acknowledged that things were happening that I did not plan on and I was not sure how to go forward. I wanted to be a good mother. I knew that I was not prepared for it and I needed God's help. I told God I was sorry for not following Him, and began to see God help me in my life.
Parenting Jessica helped me to comprehend a little bit how God loves me. The love that I had for her was so deep and unconditional. It was protective. It was never-ending. I could not get enough of watching her. I wanted all of the best in life for her. For the first time, I realized that I was willing to lay my life down for someone and this helped me to understand what Jesus had done for me.
So, in those moments when I was watching her, I remember thinking that God is watching me. He is delighting in the things I am doing. He wants the best for me. He loves me no matter what I do. And He had been doing this for all of my life! This was revolutionary in changing my knowledge of God into a relationship with Him.
It took many years for me to completely surrender my life and my plans to the Lord. I made many mistakes in the process and I still make mistakes. But, Jessica was the person that God used in my life to draw my heart back to Him. John 6:44 says; "No one can comes to Me (Jesus) unless the Father who sent Me draws him..." This was the moment that God drew me to Jesus. I wonder if you can remember a moment He was drawing you?
Several years ago, I wrote a poem to my daughter. I think it was for her 14th birthday. I will never forget the last line. It says; "Within the eyes of Jessie, I saw the promised land. And in her smile and laughter, God held me in His hand."
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