I have a guitar. It is a very useful tool in my life. It helps me get to a place of acceptance when my pain level is rising and I am feeling overwhelmed. I have never taken a guitar lesson. I don't really play guitar. But when my soul is in anguish and I need to express my feelings, I get out my guitar and start strumming.
Well, tonight was one of those nights. In the last few days, several things have been weighing heavy on my heart. I have been over-eating, over-thinking, and filling my time with activity to avoid pain. Where pain is concerned, I would rather go anywhere else.
The truth is we live in a broken world! Things are not right all over the place. I live with regrets over bad decisions I have made and the consequences! Then, there are the choices other people have made which have deeply hurt me. There are circumstances I wish I could change in my life and the lives of those around me. Things I wish I could fix that I cannot!
As I was reflecting on this in my prayer time, I was reminded of a verse in Revelation 21:4. In this verse God promises he will wipe away all of our tears. In a description of heaven, He says; "There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain." In this promise, I realized something. Although He is promising no pain in heaven we can be sure there WILL be pain here.
This truth extends to my attempts to defer pain and suffering for those I love by making sacrifices for them. What I've learned is that no matter how sacrificial I am, I still can't stop pain from coming their way. My efforts are futile! The only answer is for me to learn to live with these realities.
Personally, I try to stick with God on everything and make right decisions. Even in these efforts to please God, I know He did not intend for me to live a painless existence while I am on earth. Pain is part of the journey. It is comforting to know that when I get overwhelmed with pain, God has given me a way to deal with the build-up of emotions. A long hard cry!
So, that is what I did. I got out my guitar and quieted my soul. I gave myself the space to feel the pain. I stopped running! Stopped eating! Stopped thinking! I stopped trying to fix everything! And I cried! I told the Lord through my tears what was burdening my heart! And He listened! Jesus said in Matthew 5:4; "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Mourning over the brokenness in this world and in my own life is healthy. And Jesus is there to comfort me!
I can't say my heart is completely healed! It still hurts! But, I did relieve some pressure with my tears! I have entered into an exhausted state that comes after crying. It is much more peaceful! It is kind of a "giving up" in a healthy sort of way. I have given up striving and surrendered to the fact of pain in my life and in the lives of those that I love. I have received comfort from the Lord as I spent some time mourning over sin! One day, I will be in a place where pain will not exist! Until then, I will surrender to the truth! There is pain!
There is pain in this world, but God provides friends to walk with us. You are in my prayers, and I am always thankful for your prayers. We should get together for a virtual hot fudge TCBY, lol!! Love you!
ReplyDeleteYes! Thank God for friends!
ReplyDeleteHello Kim,
ReplyDeleteI have experienced great suffering and pain in my life. 40 years or better, severe anguish, bitterness, anger, contempt, almost every negative emotional pain that has survived the ages. A 40 year "Dark Night of my Soul," if you will. Every day and every moment of the day was a severe hardship. But I always, always, immerse myself in God and His Word.
Whether spoken through the Prophets or the Saints, (or even the Catechism) have found great comfort. The Saints taught me so much, Augustine for example helped me the most, he said; "We may find one man made savage by love," which I used to be, and "another man made gentle by iniquity." This is a very true statement, for it ALL turns around for you one day and becomes God's Blessings of Grace. Jesus never fails us. He is Our Lord! Our Redeemer. Blessed is Our God!
Be gentle with yourself. God wants our pain to convert our lives over to Him and the changes you Will make to be permanent. It will happen, but believe as a child, and it will happen.
My prayers, and Judith's prayers are always with and for you. Call us if you need a shoulder and we can help.
Your friends!
John & Judith
Thanks for the encouragement! I am feeling much better today! The point of this blog was to acknowledge that we do live with pain. Sometimes we need to just give ourselves the space to feel it! I appreciate your care and concern! I testify with you that the Lord does uses pain to bring us closer to Him. I have experience that too! Bless you, Kim
ReplyDelete